


What Could've Been

by Trans_Sam1



Series: Mpreg [2]
Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Arguing, IMSORRY, M/M, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Prom Night, Sadaf, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-05-15 15:57:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5791687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trans_Sam1/pseuds/Trans_Sam1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Justin finds out he's pregnant a couple days before prom. Bashing still happens. This is very sad.. Sorry..</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Could've Been

Justin sat on the closed seat of the toilet, nervously waiting. Daph pointed out how it's not normal for a healthy, 17 year old to be throwing up.

Brian of course, didn't know he was. Justin is pretty sure he wouldn't care.

So here he was, pacing now, waiting for the 5 minute timer to go off to let him know he can look.

His new tux was hanging on the door of the bathroom, and he was taking a pregnancy test.

He jumps slightly when the timer goes off and there's a knock on the door.

"Justin," Daphne said, "what does the test say?"

Justin made her stay out of the bathroom for this.

 

He took a deep breath before picking up the test.

"Justin?"

 

Justin couldn't seem to breath, staring at the plus sign. Oh god. His dad was going to kill him. Hell, Deb was going to kill both of them. Oh god..

"Brian..." Justin murmurs, not sure what to think. Brian wouldn't want it. He had Gus. Plus, he wouldn't even agree to go with Justin to his prom.

 

"I swear to god! If you don't open this door, I will bre-" Daphne's pounding was ceased when Justin pulled open the door, looking down at his feet as he passed her the test.

 

She studied it for a minute before saying. "Oh my god.. Oh Justin.." And pulling him into a hug. He clung to her, burying his face into her neck as tears slipped from his eyes.

 

"I don't know what to do.. Dads going to kill me.. Hell, Deb is going to kill me... And Brian..."

"Shush! You can't think of the negative. There's a baby in your stomach and that's amazing. I'll help you.. Debbie will probably be mad but she's probably going to help you.. You dad can go suck a dick."

 

The last part caused Justin to give a watery chuckle. He pulled away and sniffles, wiping his eyes. He only looked at Daphne again when he felt her hand on his cheek.

"Trust me.. It's all going to be okay Justin."

"Okay.. I trust you..." I just hope you're right, he thought.

 

___________________

Justin made sure to go to the doctors before telling anyone. He sighed as he stepped out of the doctors office.

 

Yeah, he was pregnant. He was about 3 weeks. Justin sighs, sending a text to Daphne the info he had learned and now was heading back to Debbie's to sleep.

 

He was too tired to deal with this stress. The baby was taking it out of him.

He stepped into the house, having taking the bus back. He was greeted with Debbie and Michael at the table.

 

The all looked up at him when he shut the door. He slowly walked in.

"Umm... What's up?" He asked as he took off his jacket, putting it on a chair.

"This is what's up Sunshine." Debbie said, before slamming a plastic zig lock baggy on the table.

Once Justin got closer, he realized it was the pregnancy test.

"Y-you had no right going through my trash!" Justin gasped out.

 

"This is my fucking house! Damn right I have the right. Besides, Micky found it." Debbie said, nodding to her son who was both looking pleased and upset.

When Debbie spoke again, it was a softer tone.

"Now, please tell me this is the girl you hang out with and not yours sunshine..."

 

Justin looks away from her and crosses his arms, not looking at her. That was all the answer Michael needed.

 

"I bet you tricked Brian! You think if you get pregnant he'll stay with you, you slut!"

Justin shot his eyes up to meet Michael's.

 

"Shut the fuck up. You're just jealous he wants to fuck me and not you. No, I didn't do this to to trap him. It was an accident!"

 

Michael scoffed. "I don't believe that for a second!" Michael screeched at Justin.

"Hey! Stop yelling at him! He's pregnant and you need to leave him alone Micky!" Debbie yelled, hitting him upside the head.

As Michael groans about his mom hitting his head, Debbie turned to Justin.

"Sunshine.. What are you planning on doing?"

Justin looked down, sighing.

 

"Well.. I was planning on taking a nap.."

 

Debbie shook her head. "No, I was talking about the baby..."

 

Justin looked down at his stomach and his hand rested on his still flat stomach. The move caused Michael to seethe.

 

Justin stood thinking. "I'm young.. I know Brian probably won't want a baby-"

Debbie cut him off. "Those aren't good reasons to get an abortion, Sunshine.."

 

Justin shook his head. "I know... Let me finish..." Debbie nodded.

 

"But I want to keep it." Justin finished, after taking a deep breath.

 

He bit his lip before looking up at Debbie, gauging her reaction. She came over and hugged him tightly. "Good choose honey..." Debbie whispered gently in his ear before she made him eat some food.

 

'For the baby' she had said and that made Justin eat a little more than usual and put him to bed.

 

_____________________

 

Justin hums a little as he waits tables. He got a smack on the ass and looks to see if was an older man, looking like a sugar daddy.

"Hey hot stuff."

"Mm... You can look but no touching the merchandise." Justin said flirty, working him for a nice tip.

 

Justin sighs tiredly as he takes a quick seat with Brian, Ted and Emmett who stopped at the diner for a bite. He sat next to Brian, who no one sat beside.

 

"You're a teenager. Is Brian keeping you up late with all the fucking?" Ted said teasingly, a hint of rudeness.

"Nope. Sunshine has been a good boy.. Staying with Debbie."

 

Justin looks up at Brian, his signature smile on his lips. Justin leaned against him, Brian running a hand though his blond locks.

Justin closed his eyes, his hand automatically resting on his still flat tummy.

 

"Late night with homework?" Brian asked in his ear. Justin shrugged and figured he would take his break here.

He listened to Brian, Ted and Emmett talking. That soon lulled him to sleep with his head on Brian's shoulder.

 

________________________

"Sunshine... Sunshine... Sunshine!"

Justin was woken up by Brian's voice and him shaking his shoulder. Justin blinks the sleep out of his eyes and yawned. He looks at the guys to find them looking at him weird.

"What? Did I drool?" Justin asked, wiping his face... No drool...

"You fell asleep." Emmett answers. "You feeling okay honey?" Noting the sudden paleness of Justin's skin. That was all they got before Justin bolted to the privet bathroom on the back.

 

He just made it, locked the door before the bile came up. He threw up in the toilet, his body heaving violently.

 

Justin groaned when a knock was at the door.

"Go away..." He groaned.

 

"It's Debbie, Sunshine.. Let me in.. I have some stuff that might help..."

 

Justin sighs and unlocked the door and returned his position on the floor, cheek resting on the toilet seat.

 

"Oh, Sunshine.." Debbie said sadly as she ran her hand through his beautiful hair. Justin sighs again, taking the comfort.

 

Justin looks up to see Debbie holding some crackers, some juice and a wet rag.

 

"Okay baby, up!" Debbie said as she helps Justin up and sits him on the toilet seat, which she closed before she let him sit.

 

She took the wet rag and wipes his face motherly. She finished and put the cold rag on the back of his neck. Debbie handed him frackers and juice.

 

Justin eyed them for a second before taking them. He sighs and took a small sip.

 

"It sucks for a while in the beginning... Hell, the whole thing sucks.. But it's worth it. The kicks you'll feel and the connection with your child.." Debbie said with a smile.

"Almost makes me wish I had had another.."

 

Justin shook his head with a smile. He rests his hand on his stomach, wondering how long it would take before he started showing. He nibbled on some crackers until he felt better. He stood up and nodded.

 

"Okay... I'm ready to go back to work."

Debbie looked skeptical but let him exit.

 

Justin was met with a confused and concerned Brian.

"What was that, Sunshine?"

Justin bit his lip. "Must have ate something bad..." Justin tried to lie.

 

Justin heard Debbie snort as she comes up behind him.

 

Brian looked at Debbie then Justin.

 

" I have to go to work but let me know what's going on. I don't want to get sick." Brian said easily, kissing Justin's forehead before leaving.

 

Debbie shook her head at the man. "Damn-it Brian.."

Justin just shrugged and went back to work, trying to not feel hurt.

 

_____________

 

Justin sighs as he looks at himself in the mirror. He had his shirt off and was looking at his flat stomach.

 

He wondered what he would look like with a baby bump and a full sized belly. He hums a little as he turned from side to side, hands on his tummy.

 

"Justin, here's hour laundry-" Debbie storms into his room.

 

Justin blushed deeply, having been caught.

Debbie smiles at him knowingly. "Oh I did it too, Sunshine. I think you'll look adorable with a big belly."

 

Justin blushed and looked at the mirror again. He pondered on what Debbie said.

"I'm just wondering how Brian will react..."

 

Debbie shook her head. "You stay happy. Brian will except it. If not, I'll beat him up for you." She promised with a smile.

 

Justin shook his head, not sure what to say.

 

Debbie came up and hugged him gently.  
"Don't worry, Sunshine. It'll all work out."

Justin nodded and hugged back. "Daphne said the same thing... Hopefully you guys are right.."

 

________________________

 

Justin spent hours being fucked by Brian. As Justin laid there, exhausted from being fucked an inch from death, he wanted to tell Brian everything. He looked over to see Brian staring at him. Justin raised his eyebrows at him. "What....?"

 

"You're thinking too hard, Sunshine.. Whats worrying your pretty little head?"

 

Justin took a deep breath and thought about telling Brian everything.

 

"Will you listen?"

 

"Of course. I'm all ears." Brian said with a smile.

 

Justin nodded. "Okay.. Now.. This was an accident.. I didn't do this to make you trapped or anything.. I-I didn't do this for money or anything I-"

"Spit it out. You're stalling." Brian said, catching Justin in the act.

 

Justin took a deep breath and bit his lip. He looked into Brian's eyes before saying softly. "I'm pregnant..."

Silence was all Justin received as an answer. His eyes watered as he looked away from Brian. He crossed his arms, waiting for Brian's reaction.

 

"Want to run that by me again?"

 

Justin looked over at Brian, not able to read his expression.

 

"I'm p-"

"No. I got that part. How? We don't fuck without condoms. And last time I checked, which was like 5 minutes ago, was that you're a guy." Brian interrupted. Justin say the coldness and anger in his eyes.

 

"I-i don't know Brian.. The condom must have broken.. And I have the mpreg gene..."

 

"Get. Out."

 

"But Brian-"

 

"Get the fuck out!" Brian interrupted, yelling harshly and standing up.

 

Justin scrambled, throwing on clothes and looked back at Brian, who was now in pants, still looking pissed.

 

"We need to talk about thi-"

 

"No we don't. You're getting your ass out of my apartment!" Brian yelled, grabbing Justin's arm and harshly pulling him to the door.

 

Justin struggled against Brian's hold.

 

"Brian please!" Justin begged as Brian pushed him out of the door and tossed him his bag. Brian slammed the door shut, locking it.

 

Justo had tears running down his cheeks, banging on the door. "Please, Brian..." Justin begged softly.

He was met with silence.

Justin sniffles and wipes his eyes as he made his way back to Debbie's, heavy heart.

_______________

"Hey, Sunshine! I'm making-" Debbie stopped mid sentence when she saw Justin's puffy eyes.

 

"Oh, Justin..." She said softly, pulling him into a hug. Justin sobbed into her arms and shook.

 

"What happened, baby?" Debbie asked after Justin's sobs turned to sniffles.

 

"I told Brian..."

"What was his reaction.. Gauging from the tears it wasn't good."

"He yelled at him and kicked me out..."

 

"That little ass hole!! I have the right mind to go and kick his ass."

 

Justin smiles a little and sighs as he pulls away. "No.. Hopefully he'll come around..."

Debbie nodded." I need to warn you before you come more into the house.. Emmett is in the kitchen and he knows.. Micky spread it to the guys but hadn't got to Brian yet..."

Justin sighs and nodded. "Okay.." They walked from the front door and into the kitchen and was met with a squeal.

"Oh baby!!!" Was all he got before he was almost tackled in a hug. Justin giggles and hugs him back.

"Hi Emmett..."

"Hi, baby! Oh look at your eyes! What happened?" Emmett asked as he pulls away to look at him, taking his hands.

 

"I told Brian.. And he freaked out.. He yelled at me to get out and then he kicked me out."

 

Emmett from and pulls him in for a hug.

"Well.. After dinner, which Debbie invited me to, we shall sit and eat ice cream on the couch and watch whatever you want. Oh, it's just going to be me, you, and Debbie." Emmett explained as he pulls away and made Justin sit down.

 

"Thanks..." Justin said shyly.

 

"No worries! Let aunty Em take care of you!"

____________

 

Justin looks in the mirror. This time, he wasn't checking out his stomach, he was looking at himself in his new tux.

 

He wished Brian wasn't still mad at him. He wished he would be his prom date.  
He loves Daphne but he loves Brian differently...

Justin took a deep breath and walks down the stairs with a smile on his lips.

 

________________

 

Justin dances a little with Daphne, not really having fun.

Daphne touched him and then pointed. Justin turns to look at what she was pointing to.

He was shocked to see Brian, hot as ever, walking into his prom. When he saw Justin, he made his way over, turning a lot of heads of course.

"I thought you wouldn't be caught dead in a room full of 18 year olds.." Justin said, looking up at Brian, he couldn't help but smile.

 

"I thought I'd recapture my lost youth.. But we need to talk as well.."

Brian messed with Justin's tie before looking at Daphne.

"You look hot, Daphne." Brian said, kissing her cheek. "I'd fuck you."

 

Justin saw Daphne embarrassed but smiling. "You.. You too Brian.."

"Mind if I borrow your date?" Brian asked, looking at Justin.

Justin saw Daphne shake her head and walk away.

Brian pulled Justin close, hands on his hips and kissed his forehead. He rests his forehead against his. "I'm sorry for the way I reacted... You freaked me out a little..."

Justin sighs and closed his eyes. "I'm freaked out too.. But I didn't mea-"

"Shh..." Brian interrupted. "I know.. I believe you... And I want this baby.. I thought about it. I stayed inside for days thinking.. But I DO want this baby." Brian confessed.

Justin opens his eyes and looks at Brian in shock. He felt one of Brian's hands move toward his stomach, resting there.

 

"I mean.. If you want it..." Brian said softly. "It IS your body.."

Justin shook his head. "No, I want the baby.."

 

Brian smiles and takes Justin's hand, leading him to the dance floor.

________________

 

Justin giggles as they made their way to Brian's jeep, dancing and singing to the song they danced to.

"And in his arms your gonna be!" They sang together, Brian spinning Justin.

Justin laughs. "Did you see their face?!"

"Yeah," Brian said, backing up to rest his back on his jeep and pulling Justin to him," We gave them a prom they'll never forget!"

Justin shook his head as Brian put the scarf on him. "Me neither! It's the best night of my life." Justin stated as Brian pushed him gently against the jeep.

"Even if it was ridiculously romantic.." Brian stated before leaning down to kiss Justin.

 

Justin kissed back, so happy. He felt one of Brian's hands rest on his tummy again. Justin loved it. It felt right. They pulled away and Brian moved him with his scarf, away from the Jeep.

"Later.." Brian said as he twirled the scarf on Justin before he let go and got into his jeep.

Justin laughs lightly as he began to walk away from Brian. This was the best night of his life. Brian wanted to baby, he surprised him at prom.. He got back at Chris Hobbs...

"JUSTIN!!!!" Justin turned to see why Brian yelled and then everything turned black.

 

___________

When Justin woke up, he didn't know what happened. He was clutching the hospital gown near his stomach with his one good hand, crying out, asking about his baby.

"Sir, you need to calm down.."

"No! I won't! I'm in a fucking hospital... Is my baby okay?!"

The nurse looked sad before she pulled up his file.

"I'm sorry sir.. It appears the trauma, blood loss, and overall damage.. You had a miscarriage."

 

Justin sobbed, crying for the baby he never got to hold... Never got to see.  
When he was in the coma, all he saw was him, Brian and the baby.

 

They raised her. She was beautiful. They named her Delilah. She had Brian's eyes but Justin's beautiful blond hair.

 

She had Brian's nose and Justin's 'sunshine' smile. He remembers the first song she learned on the piano was 'you are my sunshine'. God, that song was so fitting now.

He lost his sunshine.

__________

 

The nurses had to sedate Justin because he continued to try to rip his iv's out. He had tried to cut his wrists with a knife they have him with the food he refused to eat.

 

He was so depressed. When he woke, his wrists were strapped to the bed and a nurse was there.

"How are you feeling?"

"Where's my mother?" He didn't bother to ask where Brian was. He never showed up. Justin guessed since he lost the baby, Brian thought he was worthless. He couldn't even carry a child.

 

"She's talking to the doctor now."

Justin struggled against the ties.

____________

Justin behaved, knowing that he would get out soon. He was frustrated beyond belief. His mom continued to try to make him talk about the baby and the bashing but he refused to talk to anyone. Once he made it inside the house, he went to this old room and locked the door.

 

Brian didn't want him anymore. He couldn't do anything right: he couldn't carry his baby, he wouldn't ever be able to draw again. His life was over.

Justin took a deep breath as he looked through his stuff. His mother was smart enough not to let him have any sharp things or his meds... But she didn't think about the window.

 

Justin sat down and used his good hand to write his note.

 

" Dear Mom... I'm sorry you have to find me like this.. I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore.. I couldn't even carry my child and now I can't draw. I just have nothing to live for. Please don't be sad.. I love you.. I'm so sorry.

 

Dear Brian... I'm sorry. I'm sorry I lose our child.. I'm sorry I'm not good enough. I know I'm a disappointment. Even if you don't love me and don't want this baby... I understand. I love you so much. I just can't live with this anymore.. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry for stalking you.. Making your life harder.. But now I won't be able to do that any longer.. I just love you.. I'm sorry...

Dear Debbie... I love you. You're like a mother to me.. Thank you for everything you've done for me.. For taking me in.. Giving me a job.. I owe so much to you.. Whatever I've made I want you to have. I'm sorry for any pain I caused you..

 

Dear dad.... Fuck you. I'm your gay son. But, I guess you're right about be being a failure.. I'm sorry... But don't be homophobic.. If you are, don't come to my funeral. Don't.

Dear guys... Thank you. Well, Ted and Emmett. Michael, stop being such a dick and worry about yourself. Brian isn't going to fuck you so get over it. I love you Aunty Em.

 

Dear sister.... I'm so sorry... I love you. I just can't handle this. You're beautiful and amazing and strong.. I know we fight but I love you. Stay strong. "

 

Justin sighed as he finished the letter. He wipes his eyes with his good hand and set the letter on his neatly made bed. He steps up to the window, taking a deep breath. He had one of his sharp art tools he used that was hidden in the mattress.

 

He looked at his wrists and took a deep breath. He pressed the tool to his wrist and cut deep, down. He hissed through the pain. He did the same with the other wrist. He got out on the roof and closed his eyes. He waited until he felt dizzy from the blood loss. He opened his eyes and the world was spinning. He passed out, falling off the roof. His last thought was.. He was going to his baby.


End file.
